


Musings of a Divorced Father

by cookiefonster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Divorce, Existential Crisis, F/F, F/M, The Homestuck Epilogues, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiefonster/pseuds/cookiefonster
Summary: Years after his divorce, John Egbert watches TV and reflects on what went wrong in his reality, or pale imitation of a reality.
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Musings of a Divorced Father

Late at night in the makeshift apartment he moved into following his divorce, John Egbert sits on his couch watching television and sees Jane Crocker at a table hosting one of her weekly press conferences. As usual, Jane is surrounded by John's ex-wife Roxy, his ex-wife's sort of ex-girlfriend Calliope, and various other humans dressed in red. Jane is going off about how CrockerCorp has no tolerance for xenophobia or speciesism, but there are certain measures against troll overpopulation that must be enacted to ensure peace on Earth C. Behind her is a stock market graph, showing a substantial decrease marked by a grotesque picture of Karkat's face. Jane is the only person at the table talking; all the others at the conference simply nod at whatever she says in agreement. Roxy is placidly smiling throughout, her hand firmly locked with Calliope's. Jane calls Gamzee in briefly at one point to flip the graph, and then shoos him away while Calliope watches solemnly.

Roxy used to smile a lot, John thinks as he stares at her face on the screen, unable to see her eyes. She used to smile at everything he did to absurd degrees, but towards the end of their marriage, she'd occasionally lash out at him, but never once meet his eyes or show the slightest hint of fondness. It's for the best, really. She's always been happier with Calliope, and any positive memories of Roxy as a love interest were merely a delusion. It was all just one day almost two decades ago. He opens his wallet and unfolds his picture of the departed Terezi, which he printed several years ago. The ink is smudged and the paper is getting worn around the corners, but her sharp horns and devious smile are as recognizable as ever. Much unlike Roxy on the TV, who is nothing like the funny, sly, charming girl he used to know. And when John tried to kidnap Tavros a few years back, Roxy finally realized what a terrible person he is, and it was only a matter of time before she broke off and took Harry Anderson with her.

Maybe Terezi isn't dead, though. Maybe she and Vriska found each other after all, and the blood in the car was merely from a doomed timeline, like the weird dead Jade who was possessed by a weird dead Calliope or something back when John had a sliver of thought that Roxy could possibly be real. Troll ghosts have been spilling out of the sky for so long, it hardly seems unusual or exciting to him. All those ghost Terezis aren't any more real than anyone else in this fucked up planet is... probably not even John himself. His heart pounds as he thinks of the real Terezi. She was so weird and annoying, but also very sharp and cunning, and John always felt a need to tell her about whatever freakish stuff was going on in his life. What's the point of telling Roxy anything when she isn't even real? John has reread his conversations with Terezi too many times to count. Terezi's mind always seemed one step ahead of everyone else, and he can't exactly blame her for wanting to get away from his horrid pseudo-paradise. He remembers hiding his phone behind his back and innocently grinning whenever Roxy almost catches him rereading those conversations, and since Roxy isn't real, there's no way she could have ever noticed.

There's no way the real Roxy would have possibly stood by a single word Jane has said. There's no way the real Jane would ever have such an enormous grudge against trolls in the first place! Maybe there was never a real Roxy or a real Jane. Maybe it was all in his imagination. He can understand how Karkat must have felt when his good friend Gamzee turned into a psychopathic murderer. All his troll friends started killing each other, and even Vriska almost died before John punched her in the face, so Karkat must have realized that Gamzee and whatever those other trolls were called weren't real anymore. Gamzee's so-called "redemption arc" was an imbecilic farce brought about by Calliope, who also isn't real.

Speaking of Calliope... John thinks about her asshole brother, the young Lord English. The omnipotent time-traveling demon who he wrongly chose not to fight. The cackling skull kid in suspenders who drew all those horrible comics, who last hassled him a few years after the end of his adventures. Now that John thinks about it, the skull kid's stories were somewhat prophetic. Tales of hardly recognizable one-dimensional caricatures of all the friends John thought he knew, while he has no choice but to watch in utter dismay. Any attempts at interfering with these stories would just bring about more cardboard cutout mayhem. As aggravating as young Lord English was, John almost wouldn't mind hearing from him. He's out in paradox space and never entered Earth C, which is where everything becomes fake, right? He has got to be real, and he might provide John some sound advice on how to deal with his existential crisis, or even just a conversation with an actual person. Alas, when Terezi died, the last remaining trace of reality, the last trace of logical sense, poofed out of his life. Roxy and Calliope have probably long blocked Lord English out of their minds, he thinks as he watches them still smiling silently on the TV.

When Jane brings up new troll prison security implementations her staff has been working on, Roxy raises an eyebrow without breaking her smile, only characteristic of this freakish half-baked imitation of the fun and sweet girl John once knew. Behind Roxy, Calliope tips her head and glances at Jane with an expression John can't read... mild concern, perhaps? Calliope always seemed so fascinated by trolls, and she could have been a good friend of John's if it weren't for her weird, mysterious relationship with Roxy. If those two make each other happy, though, then what does John care?

These days, John finds himself masochistically staring at the television quite often. What else is he supposed to do since he lost his family to Jane's wrathful baking corporation? He does sometimes talk to Rose, Dave, or Jade, but their conversations usually divert to weird explanations of economic policies and bizarre troll biology he doesn't want to hear about. Every now and then, he calls Harry Anderson, but only gets to say a few things before he gets lost in a tearful cycle of apologies while his son tries to keep his cool. The best he can do now is yearn for days long gone while sighing to himself.


End file.
